What is FOMO?
FOMO stands for Fear Of Missing Out, which is a genuine feeling that most of us experience as we browse through our Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, or other social media feeds. It is the fear of being left out of something important or exciting happening online. FOMO is a legit part of the digital world, and it can affect us in various ways.
As a 35-year-old adult, you might feel a bit uneasy when scrolling through your friends’ posted pictures, and realize that you are not present at a party, a white sandy beach, or not eating that delicious-looking dessert. However, being an adult, you have gained enough experience both online and offline to be aware that you cannot be physically present in multiple locations at the same time. As a result, you can handle the fear and jealousy that these pictures naturally evoke and move on with your day. This kind of wisdom or developed prefrontal cortex (the part of your brain that regulates emotions and helps you cope) is often lacking in children, who are often overwhelmed by such feelings at young ages.
As a child psychologist, I often hear my patients express disappointment, confusion, and upset from actually missing out on things, which I refer to as MO. When children spend a lot of time on social media platforms like Instagram or Snapchat, they are exposed to a never-ending stream of carefully curated photos of their friends doing exciting things together. While they may be included in some of these photos, they cannot be a part of all of them. This can lead to feelings of frustration and, in some cases, even trauma among children.
It is not uncommon for 9-year-olds to be using social media platforms such as Instagram or TikTok and posting creative videos to share with their followers. By the time they are 12, they may have hundreds or even more followers across different social media platforms.
So here is the basic concern: The repeated experience of missing out has an impact on our children’s development. It is not entirely known yet what the impact will be (stay tuned!), but ask an average 13 year-old and they will surely tell you that there is an impact and sometimes it feels like a recurrent digital slap in the face when they are not invited to that sleepover, party, or any random moment that has been photographed, recorded or streamed. Our children are growing up in a world where they all are photojournalists who document the special and mundane moments of their lives and then share them with the hope and expectation to be validated and included by their peers.
I am not suggesting that we shield our children from these experiences as the MO will build resiliency and grit to help them cope as they grow and march deeper into the digital world. I am suggesting that we are mindful of their time spent feeling left out. Begin with empathy that we understand that feeling, although when we were younger we did not experience the MO at this digitally enhanced level. As parents, we are obligated to use the tools we have to limit, protect, and mentor them so they learn how to cope more effectively off and online. By setting limits and talking to our children about their experiences, we do our best to guide them through as Digital Parenting Pioneers.